If you think this page looks familiar, you have made some bad decisions in your life so far. You probably will be needing some wisdom from the stars.
Because lots of peers of mine seem to have taken a sudden* interest in horoscopes, I hereby present you my own. As most of you probably know, I have predicted a lot of things recently. I have, for instance, predicted World War II. Yes, I have! Also, I told some people there would be a sunrise this morning. And guess what they found out? There was one. They couldn't see it, because they were too god-damn lazy, but they looked it up on Wikipedia, on some page called "days of the year that definitely had a sunrise" or something, and there it was! Freaking today.
My most recent prediction is of course that I told my manager this morning that you, yeah, you specifically, would be clicking the link that brought you to this page. How could I know such a thing if I weren't clairvoyant, I beg you to explain?!
Anyway. This is your personal horoscope. Well, not really that personal, because the personal kind of horoscope would cost me a lot of time, and in some cases perhaps some money. Also, I would really rather not predict the exact date and time of your death, because Fate has a way with people who spoil her surprises.
Well. There's a couple of questions I** am gonna ask you, questions which may seem a bit odd, but believe me. They're relevant.
There are no wrong answers***. Please just follow your first thoughts, don't think too long about anything. Since this is simple html, you can always go back. Of course, I will be able to tell.
There is NO secret prize!
*Or not so sudden.
**Or this website, or, more probably, 'the voices'
***or good ones, on that account.